A Day with Lois

We spent most of five hours today with my mother in law, Lois. My DH has scheduled a day off every, more or less, three weeks to spend with her. Today was the first.

Lois has dementia, which is in an odd way easier for her and my DH to manage because she is willing to accept help. Gratefully even! This is such a stark departure from the space my mother inhabited when she was ill. Lois only takes one oral medication and an eye drop, rather than the six meds (I can recall off hand 😏) that mom was taking when she went into care, two years younger than Lois is now. Lois is an avid walker. Mom had become very very sedentary some years before going into care. I suppose carrying firewood into the house once a day counts for a little exercise 🧐. Our mothers’ temperaments were/are extremely different. As described throughout this blog, my mom was reactive, querulous, a tad paranoid, had a persecution complex. Lois, while not always kind to me over the years, is 10000% practical. This is standing her in good stead right now. Overall, Lois is a much nicer, calmer, and more appreciative demented person than my mom was.

There are some similarities, however… The mail, opened and not, is overflowing in three rooms of the house. I removed a 4” stack of charity requests (sound familiar?) today. Lois will never will miss these envelopes. Upon quick review, the oldest one is from 2022. The ‘forgotten’ mail in Lois’ home at this moment is likely exceeding two feet, if stacked. Then there’s the open mail. She’s at that point where if a piece of mail is covered by the next opened letter, the prior piece ceases to exist.

We were able to fully load the truck with dump, donate, recycle, and hazmat items today. Lois was very happy to have her car port devoid of detritus for the first time in years.

On my DH’s way home, he stopped by the department of licensing with his POA to check on the state of his mama’s license. We knew that the state had sent her a letters saying, “You need to re-test for your license…” As I suspected, despite trying to manage the situation, she hasn’t. She’s been driving with a suspended license since the first of the month… This is now the most urgent situation regarding Lois. It means her auto insurance is useless. And every time we see her car, it has sustained more damage. Today the right side of the car and tires were covered in mud. She told my DH she ended up in a ditch because an oncoming car was straddling the middle of the road on an icy day, and she had to ‘dodge’ the car. It hasn’t been icy/frozen for a month, and if this had happened a month ago there wouldn’t still have been mud on the tires…

So, overall this momagement situation is easier and more forgiving, but it still needs attending to in a serious way. 😢