Support Groups

This evening I start attending a support group for Adult Children of Aging Parents that meets once a month. I have high hopes that this will be a huge stress reliever. On the 17th I’ll begin attending a Caregiver Support group that meets twice a month.

The social worker who did the ‘intake’ for me says I scored medium on their survey in two areas:

• Relationship Burden. This is when the caregiver feels the burden of excessive demands upon them in the caregiver role. For me, as my mom is still relatively independent, this manifests itself in her constant neediness when she’s at her mainland home, her forgetfulness (my brain is hers, really) and, for instance the fact there’s no way I can accept/pursue employment because the first or second ‘mom event’ would rightfully have me fired. A good article on coping strategies can be found here: 5 Tips for Dealing with CareGiver Burden .
•  Identity Discrepancy. This is simply, at least to me, the issue of the change in relationship with my mother. I do not relate to her as a daughter any longer but as a protector and care provider. I pay her bills, do her taxes, answer her questions about directions (over and over again), reminder her of the names of her step-grandchildren, check up on the house after she leaves to make sure there’s nothing perishable in the fridge and that the furnace was left holding at a low temperature in order to avoid a plumbing crisis etc…

My mom’s unique situation is despite her declining mental function she is still living independently, in two homes. She is also stubborn and, as mentioned before, in complete denial that anything is amiss. This makes it challenging to watch out for her best interest. While I want to maintain her dignity above almost everything, her safety comes before that. I’m afraid that in order to insist upon her safety, ultimately, I will have to go to court to gain guardianship/have her declared incompetent. I know we’re likely only at the beginning of this story despite it being over nine years old.