From various sources…
From various sources I have, direct, snooping (if you don’t know, when you care for someone with dementia, snooping is part of the job), second hand etc, here are things my mom is saying/telling other/believes despite being told otherwise or having at one time actually known:
~ She hasn’t yet told her brother-in-law (my late father’s brother) that my father is dead. My uncle was told about his brother’s passing when it happened. I corrected mom’s thinking on this one.
~ Granddaughter #3 works for some ‘on screen’ company, full time, so she can work from home. Granddaughter #3 works full time at home because she has a 4 month old. Before having the baby she worked for Google, but commuted to work everyday.
~ Granddaughter #2 is an RN and works in a hospital. Granddaughter #2 is an RN and is the director of health services for an assisted living community. Mom has been told this over and over and over.
~ Granddaughter #1 works for herself making incredibly beautiful jewelry. While this is true, Granddaughter #1 is also working full time exercising her law degree, something that my mom is super proud of, but can’t remember, even tho she’s so happy for Granddaughter #1.
~ Granddaughter #1 has been living with her boyfriend for ‘a few years.’ They’ve been living together, I think, for 6ish years. While this may be a quibble on my part, my daughter and her sweetie have been a couple for about 9 years and knowing that my mom uses the word ‘few’ when describing the length of time Daughter #1 and her sweetie have been living together just rankles me in the face of everything else. It’s like having a mosquito bite me after having put on repellant.
~ She thinks her hearing with the state department of licensing is on Wednesday. It’s on Thursday. The letter from the department is hanging from her calendar. The appointment is written on her calendar. It could be that she thought yesterday, when she told me this, was Saturday the 19th. There’s was no point in correcting her yesterday, as it wouldn’t stick. I’ll tune her up today.
~ The second neurologist’s report was illegible, full of grammatical errors and had no paragraphs, so says the professional editor. When I asked her what it said, she replied, ” I don’t know, it wasn’t positive. And how does anyone get to be a doctor if they can’t write?” She then went on to express doubt over whether it was a good idea to cancel the follow up appt with the first neurologist. And further doesn’t understand why her attorney counseled her not to go through with the appt with the neuropsychologist. I suggested she ask her attorney this quesetion. I hope she does.
~ She is sure that the stacks and stacks of my father’s bisqued ceramic vessels were made in the 50’s or 60’s. I doubt this very much because a) I would have seen three large boxes of unglazed pieces at somepoint in the last 50 years and b) It’s very doubtful they would have survived being moved over and over again. I think dad made them since I moved out (1981) but before he was diagnosed (2004). The first time I laid eyes on them was in their mainland garage, post 2010.
Yes, I’m having a grumble and whine session. All of this is the disease. It’s not petulance or passive agressive behavior. It upsets me that people are being told incorrect information, particularly about my children, and I have little to no control over fixing it. It’s also very difficult to focus my ire (yes, even anger sometimes) at a disease rather than the person who has the disease, particularly when mom can be SO sharp and, well, bitchy at times. It’s really hard when trying to help her sort out something she doesn’t know she has wrong (the hearing day, for example) and get yelled at, “You LISTEN to ME!” She doesn’t know what’s what but gets entrenched in her position and defends that position to the end. Even when she’s on the Island and I’m on the mainland.