Tracking Fails

4-17-2016:
5PM
Mom leaves, as described by daughter #2, very agitated voicemail saying she’s having a banking problem.
5:35PM
Mom leaves me voicemail saying she has no record of paying the April mortgage payment, that she doesn’t have an April mortgage statement from the bank, and that if I’ve started paying the mortgage with funds from her mainland bank, that’s OK, but we need to talk about it. She also said she couldn’t fine the check register for the account she uses to pay the mortgage. She sounded very anxious and irritated. 
5:45PM
I discover the above voicemail and try to call mom back twice. the line is busy. 
5:50PM
Mom calls my cell phone. Not surprisingly, she tells me a story that is slightly different than her voicemail. After I assured her she’d paid the mortgage, she then started in about the check register again. Long story short, it came to light she’s misplaced the mortgage checkbook. Mom vehemently expressed 3 times that she is most methodical about her handling of this checkbook, that she never carries it with her (this I believe), and has NEVER done this before… I made a few suggestions, including that I lose things when I get distracted. ~ I offered: What if the phone rang as you finished writing the check… Could the checkbook be by the phone? I was at her Island home when she wrote the check, and know this is not what happened, but am hoping this suggestion will help calm her down. She, after assuring me 3 more times how methodical she is with everything ‘paper,’ and stating two more time how she does not understand how this could have happened, says she’ll look again in the morning. I encourage her in relaxing about the MIA checkbook, because I know it will show up.

As we got off the phone she asked me if we’d be around all weekend. I said, “Ma, it’s Sunday!” she replied, “Oh, yeah, so it is.”
8:00PM
Daughter #2 returns mom’s call. Mom tells her things are mostly sorted out, but she’d still like to hear from me…
8:30PM
Daughter #2 calls to let me know about her communication with her Grandmother. We did triage on the whole episode, after I calmed down. 

     *Mom called my daughter about her bank concerns before she called me! We are impressed mom had the wherewithal to call my daughter’s (cell) phone. This is the same mom of mine who asked for this daughter’s email address a week ago today (4/11) saying she hasn’t written her granddaughter an email in ‘years.’ She wrote to daughter #2 in February. 

     *By the time mom talked to my daughter at 8pm, she’d forgotten that she’d talked to me, however, her anxiety was abaited by the conversation she doesn’t remember having with me.

     *Mom has obviously misplaced both the checkbook and the mortgage statement. They are likely under the same stack of paper that renders that which it covers non-existent, but this time mom is actually looking for what she’s missing. A positive sign. Not one to hang a hat on, but positive, none the less.
The checkbook in question is in mom’s house. I’m not worried about it having been stolen. The bank sends me a daily email with the account balance, and nothing has cleared the account since the April mortgage payment. 

On April 3rd my husband and I opened a dialog with mom about having the mortgage paid automatically. Everyone in the family does this. It’s one less thing to think/worry about etc. I now have the application from the bank in hand, and will approach her again on this subject, sooner rather than later.

Of all the foibles we go through with mom, these are the sorts that I find particularly challenging. 

 

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