Thanksgiving 2016 ~ Day Two
The most re-asked question yesterday was, “What are we doing tomorrow?” Like maybe a dozen times between grocery shopping, and when my husband and I headed back to our place after dinner. I answered her question each time, exactly the same way, even asking mom if she’d like me to write down an itinerary. She thanked me and said, “No, I’ll remember.” When we arrived at mom’s house at 10:30 this morning, to make brunch, she’d forgotten our plan and was about to make eggs.
We all enjoyed brunch. Mom ate more at this meal than I’ve seen her eat in one sitting in years. We took our leave after brunch, and answering when, where, and what the rest of the day held multiple times.
Dinner went just fine. My daughter managed to serve her grandmother non-alcoholic wine on the sly. It was a very relaxed evening.
Mom again ate everything on her plate. I asked my daughter what she thought about this change; no longer taking small amounts of food and then exclaiming she can’t possibly finish her meal. My daughter thinks it may be a social filter surrounding an expectation of ‘daintiness’ that mom is losing. This could have been an expectation in her life from ages 4-18. It could be in conjunction with the fact she’s not saying, “Oh, that’s right” when reminded of an answer, or why she no longer calls to re-ask questions all the time. She’s not remembering that she doesn’t remember.
When I asked my RN kiddo if all these things might be connected, if they were a pointer, an indicator of the cartography of what’s just around the bend on mom’s path, she replied, “As family members, we don’t get to understand it ahead of time. Or while it’s happening. With the exception of rare glimpses, we only get to understand it in retrospect.”