Why Can’t I Go to the House??

Mom is stuck on getting out to the house. On one hand, I understand this, on the other hand, it is VERY difficult to field. Her short term memory, coupled with, what seems to be her obstinacy, makes this a challenge. She asked me again mid-day why she couldn’t return to the house. I gave her the standard answer. Rejecting my answer, she said she was going to ask the SNF staff. I redirected her in that moment.

I brought her our usual lunch after which a friend of hers came to visit. We went on a nice walk in the January sun. After the walk I sat with mom in the common room until 3:45, when she became impatient with the noise from the TV. She wanted to return to her room. I told her I was going to run a couple of errands.

When I returned, she asked where I’d been. I told her the hardware store had a perfect fitting pair of steel shanked rubber boots for $20 (!) that would enable me to keep working on the drain field.

It was at this moment she turned on me and said, “I talked with a manager who said I could make a run to the house at any time.” I asked her who said this. She said “that tall dapper manager named Shea…”. I told mom she was simply wrong. As she extended all of her prickles, I told her, “Mom, we are not having this conversation right now!” and ran to the executive director’s office.

Of course, Shea had said nothing of the sort. He suggested that we talk with mom to try and soothe things out. Mom sat and reinvented reality about why she was at the SNF, couldn’t remember the ‘order of operations,’ to the point where Shea had to remind her of the second accident, and that a doctor had fished out of the car… She maintained she had exited the vehicle herself.

She is incapable of wrapping her head around the fact that her doctor, and the hospital doctors think it is unsafe for her to be in her home. While I haven’t described the full impact of dealing with my mom’s ire, regarding this new paradigm, I do know I do not need to take her full frontal assault simply because she doesn’t understand what’s going on. I love her and want to be there for her. That will happen much more effectively if I am fresh and eager to see her.

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