A few weeks ago a dementia expert helped me understand not only the probable reason for the condition of my father’s dark room, but also why I found 12-15 five gallon buckets of soil at my parent’s mainland house. These discoveries, among others, have left me wondering the state of my father’s mind at times. It was pointed out, given my father’s otherwise consistent cognition, that it was likely my mother who rifled the dark room. When I explained mom’s delusional 18 months, beginning seven months after dad died, she (the expert) suggested mom was looking for something, maybe even my father, which mom spent a whole lot of those 18 months doing. As we talked, I brought up the soil and suggested, given my parent’s personalities, that perhaps dad simply acquiesced to mom’s insistence that they bring soil from the Island to the Mainland to avoid a fight. The expert agreed that was most likely. I said with exasperation, that if mom wanted soil, I could have brought her three yards at a go from our premier regional compost manufacturer (yeah, I take my comport seriously!) for less than $75 a load. The expert said, “These are the workings of a chaotic mind, and there was, and is, no reasoning with it. How true. She went further to say my father probably lived with mom’s early dementia for some time, maybe years, before realizing anything was wrong. While this revelation amazed me, it also makes perfect sense. People change slowly, and as a spouse, why would you instantly suspect dementia 6 months into subtle personality changes?