Gentle Deception, Confabulation, and Anger

While I don’t consider gentle deception lying to my mom, and it doesn’t give me moral pause, it doesn’t feel right either. It’s both because I’m a straight forward person, and telling my mother what’s easiest for her to hear, rather than what real, simply goes against my grain. I’m unable to shake this feeling.

In the same vein, when mom is trying to connect the dots (confabulating) or creating truths she thinks are real, I become incredibly uncomfortable because it feels like my mother is lying to me. She’s isn’t, but again, there’s something emotional for me that I am unable to intellectualize away in those moments.

I asked one of my dementia experts why my mother was pissed off all the time. The expert replied:

• Dementia causes anxiety in many people. They don’t know what’s going on, why they can’t hang onto thoughts, ideas, memories etc. Anxiety is very uncomfortable. Anger is a way of feeling in control over what’s causing the anxiety. It’s an easier emotion to sit with.