I have accumulated, over the last few weeks, a collection of stressors, not many of which I have any control over…

  • My left peroneal nerve damage is suddenly improving. The improvement began after making a follow-up appointment with my doctor… While I do not indulge in a lot of woo-woo, one has to wonder if the improvement is ramping up because I made the appointment… The boot/aircast still provides security, and is still a pain in the back/hip/butt/thigh… It’s draining to walk in, and exhausting not to.
  • Tim wrote last night to share he and Cindy suddenly returned south after seeing the mainland cardiac surgeon. I am reading between the lines here… Their return to the south means the northern surgeon is unwilling to operate. Tim reports that Cindy is doing very poorly, including now falling. She has months, Tim was told, should no one be able to fix the heart problem. He can’t leave her alone to buy groceries, and she is too weak to go shopping with him. Tim is a resilient 80-year old, rebuilding an airplane, writes like a poet, taking care of his wife, still drives well, cooks, cleans and bottles washes, but he did not expect to be ‘here’ now. I guess no one ever does. I wrote back in fix-it mode letting him know his local grocery would deliver with the URL, to get the house assessed for hazards, etc. There is little I can do from 900 miles away.
  • The manager of our local farmer’s market, where I coordinate our county’s master gardener’s booth, was found dead in his car in our little town two-ish weeks ago. He was a dear person, and this is a big loss not only for the market, but for our community. The market was cancelled that week due to his death. We weren’t told about the cancellation, and I suddenly found myself scrambling, from the Island, to deal with the (yes) administration due to the cancellation. We are a group of volunteers who must clock hours in certain categories in order to maintain our certification… The season is ending, and this unfortunate situation caused a kerfuffle for a few people. It’s all handled now, but people focusing on their required hours rather than the manager’s death was disheartening.
  • A dear friend, whose family life is extraordinarily  complicated, has been working her butt off to get her home ready for her, and her grown daughter to move back into. The details are way, way too complicated to retell… Our friend is allowing herself to be run around by her family, including her daughter. She needs to be listened to, yet can barely stand up for herself in the face of her former partner, and her partner’s wife’s barrage, telling her how she should conduct her remodel, handle her contractors, and her life. A PhD candidate could write their thesis on what’s going on in this situation. I love our friend, and try to support her every way I can. However… This is a case where you are asked for advice, or are told the truly sad tale, you give your best support and insight, and your friend cannot help or standup for themselves. Everything they tell you is upright, but they can’t affect their own situation. I love her, want to be there for her, and Exhausting. 
  • My former mother-in-law had another health crisis over the weekend. This time there was hope, due to her being actually admitted to the hospital, we’d be able to get her from the hospital to assisted living for a respite stay, via skilled nursing rehab. She went from being seriously delusional Saturday night (on the phone with me) to being discharged and back at home less than 24-hours later despite myself  and my two older daughters sharing with hospital staff what was best for our family member, and what needs to happen in order to break the cycle of, at times, multiple times a week ER visits. She needs to be in care. I never knew how good I had it with my own mother’s doctor, as flawed as the situation was over the years. After mom landed in the hospital, he did exactly what I wanted, and what was best for my mother. He routed mom and her care in such a way that we could get her were she needed to be: AL. The situations are not parallel, but they are not all that dissimilar either.
So, today I find myself pulling back a bit. Insulating myself from the things I cannot control or effect, but that keep reaching out for my attention. I hold everyone close in my heart, and need some space.

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