OCD

I’ve had a touch of OCD since I was 18. It might be better named ‘control freak’ syndrome. The reasons then, while still with me, aren’t relevant in my life any more. It doesn’t mean the syndrome goes away.

I realized today that my OCD was in overdrive as I started to realize something was wrong with my mom (summer 2004). I had zero control over what was happening with her, and so I needed to exercise 10000% control in every other aspect of my life.

After mom went into care, I realized, with a lot of help from a lot of amazing people, that I had zero control over the path of her disease. She taught me that too. Suddenly I was able lessen the grips of my control because I didn’t have any, in terms of my mom

Since her passing the vacuum created by this need to control is occasionally filled with other things. I work through them, and try to let them go.