Four Months

I woke up this morning inches from the Canadian boarder in a tiny town where my last garden roll out is taking place. It took over five hours to get here. The drive was mostly beautiful with lakes and rivers accompanying me along the way. Driving through burnt out national forest land was both very sad, and otherworldly.

It’s the first day of fall. After my arrival I had to change into lighter clothes, as it was too hot, and back into warm stuff a couple of hours later. This morning the trailer is cold, but so small that boiling water for tea has helped warm her up.

It’s been four months since my mom passed away. Right now her leaving seems like it was so much longer ago. Lots of things have happened in the ensuing months to make them feel very, very full. I observe myself starting to miss and grieve for who she was, as the trauma of who her illness turned her into begins to wear away. I’m thankful for that, and the transition is hard. It’s like I have two people to mourn. I need some time to process.

That time doesn’t exist right now. The increasing intensity of my job, and it’s clash with my personal responsibilities (got told I couldn’t take a half day off because I was an exempt employee. Produced legal chapter and verse saying I could) are a weight I’m over.

The founder, in trying to cut down our email and meeting load, has us all in additional subject matter meetings, while our Monday meetings hasn’t reduced in length at all. My email is fuller than it’s ever been, to the point that I am unable to keep up, and question if I’m losing my administrative prowess. Dealing with a particular educator who’s mission in life is to be combative is something I’ve told my boss I’m over . We’re all having goals set for us. That’s not a bad idea, but after discussing goals for 2 of my 4-hour work day last Thursday, and attacking the most important goal for the remaining 1.5-hours of my day, I arrived in this tiny town to a text from my boss about a completely different urgent topic. Like it was falling through the cracks (it wasn’t). I really like my boss and I gave her definitive notice at our 1:1 meeting this morning.

Ever changing work policies/expectations/job scope creep/today’s protocol layering on yesterday’s expectation (most likely and understandably caused by owners fear of company’s survival) + grief + estate management = my resignation.

I said I’d work until 10/15. My boss asked me for a month, or until the end of October. I said I’d consider it.