DOD – A New Perspective

I wrote recently, right before my mom’s birthday, about general first anniversary’s without my mom, and how 2020 screwed so many of them because we weren’t, or wouldn’t have been able to see each other. Having had so many birthday’s and holidays together tempers those potential feeling of loss as well as bolsters many fine memories. While I don’t get to have that time with her again, I have decades of memories of the times we did celebrate together.

Mom’s date of death (DOD) is this coming right up, and I’m suddenly feeling very sad and stressed. I think a difference from missing past significant anniversaries is that we don’t know ahead of time when we’re going to lose someone. Yes, there are times we know that losing our loved one will be 2, 12, or 48-hours… It’s a feeling that feels like an avalanche. It’s an almost academic understanding as you see the beginning of their mountain slip and fall away. And then wall of snow and ice rockets swiftly and dangerously closer. The family goes from despair, to hope, to caution, to hope, to a treacherous slip filled with good-bye’s woven with the dearest words ever uttered. The last your dear one will hear.

Then there’s the surprise exit. I was lucky. Mom didn’t quite drop dead (I think she’s fairly pleased with her MO). I was able to whisper those words, sing to her, tell her bad jokes, and reminisce with her. She hung out long enough that others who were important to her, and she to them, were able to do the same. We slung some harmonies that she taught me. Played music she loved. I feel very fortunate to have had those hours. I am also beyond thankful to all my family who sat with me that night and day, there and further afield.

And as the anniversary is coming up, it’s just really hard.