Three Years

Mom died three years ago today. Fitting that I started my day on the property she loved so much. Her passing seems like yesterday, and forever ago, all at the same time.

I miss her, who she was. I don’t miss who dementia turned her into. Mostly. I don’t think she would miss that person either. When she was content, happy even, with dementia, yeah I miss that person. But the angry, confused, irrational, delusional, paranoid person… I don’t miss that person at all. I’m glad that person isn’t suffering any longer.

I find myself dialing back into her sayings, and the stories she used to tell. When those words had meaning and wisdom, rather than when they became a parroting of who she used to be.

“Do you want to be right, or do you want to be free?” Probably the best one-sentence piece of wisdom to ever pass through her lips. I don’t use it often, but when I can offer it, it’s powerful. It helps people lay down their swords and ire, and walk away from seemingly impossible conundrums. Situations where no one is going to win. My mom gave me that gem.

Author and her mom, 2019

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